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If you haven’t seen it yet, they tie the Hulk to Iron Man, with a cameo with Robert Downey Jr. at the end. There, I spoiled the “cool” thing at the ending for you. Now you don’t have to see it, save your hard earned money and buy something more useful like some canned air or a bottle of water.

Terrible movies I liked MORE than this one:

• Doom
• DareDevil
• UltraViolet
• Spiderman 3

Oh my God it’s in my bottom 5 movies of all time!

The Trailer:

These people have the tenacity to say: This Summer…Our only hope… Is something Incredible. Not once in this movie does anything apocalyptic or world threatening happen. Worst case scenario, out of the 20 cars that are destroyed, some people were in there. I was very excited to see this movie because the trailer makes this film look amazing. So save yourself the headache and watch this trailer:

I liked EVERY one of Edward Nortons roles in every movie I’ve seen him in, until now. This movie was made shortly after another terrible Hulk movie for the sole reason that the creators felt the original one didn’t do the legacy justice. Agreed. But neither does this one, so WTF?

For starters this was 1:45 long, and was boring for at least 85% of that. The story starts off with Bruce(played by Edward Norton) working in a factory in Brazil as the only white man. He pricks his finger and a drop of blood floats down and into a soda bottle. You THINK this is going to be some important thing, but only makes Stan Lee(creator of the comic, and over all real life bad ass) sick from Gamma Radiation which in turn notifies the US military that The Hulk is somewhere in Brazil at a bottling company. The soldiers make their way out to where he is engaging Ben, forcing his heart rate to hit 200 transforming him into the hulk. In this scene the Hulk looks cool because he is very dark and the shadows hide how poorly textured and composited he really is. In EVERY other scene in this movie the Hulk looks far from convincing and in a later part he is in the rain where he looks completely detached from the scene.

This first Hulk appearence also introduces his nemesis(who I guess is supposed to be The Abomination?), but you really don’t notice it, it’s just one of the soldiers. This guy is just a regular guy who in the movie says, “I wish I had the knowledge I have now, with the body I had 10 years ago” because he is 39 and apparently too old to be a Hulk defeating bad ass? So they give him some injection that morphs him into this lightning fast super human guy. Who puts up a 1 minute fight with the hulk before getting his ass kicked and bones crushed. Amazingly this guys bones heal themselves and he flexes to show to us how intimidating his body looks with his crazy sharp dinosaur like spine, and small shrively 70 year old man body… far from what you think a revved up super villains body should look like. Well later the Hulk gets captured when finally meeting his mystery contact “Mr. Blue”. This guys is annoying as can be and really serves no purpose beyond eventually injecting our super villain with some of hulks blood to make him a twice revved monster. Now he looks tough, yay! But he still pretty much sucks and serves no purpose in the film. While the villain is out beating the brains out of the military(which he is military, but now is their enemy?) he is talking clearly. The hulk is the same, but can barely mumble a word. However, the Hulks dialogue does contain “Hulk Smash”, which is out of the blue considering they never once refer to him as the Hulk prior to that. It’s just extremely tacky and cheesy. The whole movie is really.

The leading lady:

Well, I guess she is, she really has an unimportant role. Liv Tyler plays the role of The Hulks love interest who, big surprise, loves him aside from all of his complications. She assumed he was gone forever until she saw him, and ditched her current boyfriend for him without a second thought. At one point she ends up yelling at a cab driver who is an insane driver. There really didn’t need to be a scene in a cab at all, he didn’t need to be a crazy driver, and she didn’t need to yell at him but the whole scene was added just so Edward Norton could make a really lame joke about knowing some techniques that help you control your anger. Weak. Bruce and Betty(Liv Tyler) also go from a park in New York to magically up in a cave that looked like something out of Jurassic Park, and then right back to her house. This movie just sucks!

The MAIN thing that makes me HATE this movie:

When Mr. Blue transforms the villain into a Hulk the villain knocks him down. He gets a small cut on his head that has some Hulk blood drip into it. His forehead flexes real big and then goes down………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

………… oh I’m sory, expecting something else? Ya, that’s it. It apparently serves no purpose. If Mr. Blue becomes a Hulk in the next movie then it is STILL STUPID. And if they make yet another Hulk movie THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ALL OF US!

2 Saving things, that didn’t save the movie:

• Lou Ferrigno(the original hulk) makes a guest appearance and does the voice of the Hulk.

• There are computers throughout the movie, and all of them are realistic. A good mixture of regular LCD’s and even CRT’s, and they show what looks to be Outlook Express inside Windows XP. Thank you for not making retarded unrealistic computer GUI’s or enhancing video footage 10 billion percent by typing “enhance” a couple of times.

Edward Norton had a great deal to do with this movie and it was shaped to his standards. Why can’t more movies be based on cool new stories that nobody has ever heard of before? There are some unique and amazing movies that come out but the only ones that get the attention are based off of things that were already famous. This effect is a good metaphor for Liv Tylers career because I’ve always seen her as one of those shit actors who would’ve never made it anywhere in showbiz if it weren’t for having famous relatives. Now thanks to this movie I hate Edward Norton too.